Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
