marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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