this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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