My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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