I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
