I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
