im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
