You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My vagina is very pro this idea
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
