They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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