She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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