you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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