Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
