make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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