what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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