you have to choose: penises or morals?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
