This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
