god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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