i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
