She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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