just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
