I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
