I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
