dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
