I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
