btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize