My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
