He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
