im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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