Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
