the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My bed smells like the plague
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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