I think my fart just growled at me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
