i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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