I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
