is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
