In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
