i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
