If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I see more hoeing in ur future
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
