so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
