Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
