I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
