paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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