I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
