I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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