After last night, I could never be a politician.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
