My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize