uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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