my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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