his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please don't give away my fajitas
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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