Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
