Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
