rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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