hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
