your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
