I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
