The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
