i need an iv and a liver transplant
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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