if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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