i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
