You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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