I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
