you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
