it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize