god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
