I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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