So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
