You're my little dorito
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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