and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
