My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
