bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
