She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
