I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
