its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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